Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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