My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
