i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
