I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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