i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
