So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
