Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
