we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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