at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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