You're completely useless in the revolution.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
