yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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