I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
