So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
