Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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