You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
