my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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