seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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