i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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