Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
