oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
