Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and she was petting her beer can
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
