I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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