youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
