is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my sisters under your porch take her home
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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