"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
