Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
