he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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