I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
