I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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