i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
