So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
