you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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