Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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