There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
