What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
