Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
