Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
