i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think my moral compass just broke
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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