so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
