New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
