Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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