Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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