I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
