Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
