Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
