Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
