Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
