so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
