last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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