Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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