how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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