i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
